We bicker at eachother and have pointless arguments. I am super happy around my friends and other people, but when I go home to our apartment and around him I get anxious. I told him when he cusses or yells I get upset and start crying. We have been on and off for 4 years and im finally thinking this isnt right for me.
We planned to buy a house and have a child, but ai cant see myself living with him and dreading it. Of course I want a house and a kid in my future, but he makes it so difficult.
We cannot agree that I am sensitive and dont like conflict. He said just give me the f! I didnt end up going with him to store and that made him more mad and then we argued almost the whole day. Its just little things like that.. If we go to the store and i wonder off and start looking at things Im interested in he gives me a dirty look, shakes his head and walks away.
Everything i do he has a attitude and i just want to enjoy life with him but he has to have everything be perfect. Your anxiety is completely justified. What you are describing is abusive behaviour and anyone would experience anxiety being confronted in such a demeaning way.
Get out before you get too deep. I hope you can get help from a counsellor or support in some way and get yourself to a more peaceful place away from this abuse. This is never easy to face, especially when it is not what you want or want to believe. And yet, your anxiety is there to protect you, and nudging you toward safety. This is likely to get worse, not better, and I sense you understand this.
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I hope you can access the support you need to take a hard look at your relationship and do what you need to do to protect your emotional safety. I tend to be an over-thinker so when I am in a relationship I tend to ruminate on one thing or incident. Rumination is a particularly tricky form of anxiety where thoughts circle on themselves and fuel more anxiety, not less. Often related to irrational fears or patterns of circular thought, rumination need not be triggered by a bad situation or relationship.
It is generally a habit people use when they are stressed, uncomfortable, or vulnerable — all of which are possible in even the best relationships. What makes rumination so unhealthy is that it targets situations or realities that are beyond our control, happening to us ie, how she behaves, what someone said, what situation happened rather than the things we are doing and those dynamics within our control. Breaking rumination habits can start with letting your anxiety fuel the things you have control over ie how you think about things, how you react, what you aim to change. There is excellent professional help out there too if breaking these patterns feels too overwhelming.
I kept thinking if I leave the relationship ill be fine, but I love my person and there is no red flag in my relationship I just wanna get to the bottom of the anxiety. Since you mention you are an orphan, I am curious if your anxiety has more to do with potentially losing this great love of your life, than of making the right decision to marry him. Your family relationships are likely confusing to you, and it might be hard to process why they are not more supportive, and what their reaction means to you. Continue leaning on people you can trust, and those whose feedback make sense to you, and to your heart.
You will work through this, and get to the bottom of your anxiety if you resolve to be patient with yourself. The fact that my current relationship is long distance, he has a demanding job and he is very emotionally guarded makes things even harder. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience. Long distance relationships are hard, and can make navigating relationship anxiety particularly challenging.
Sounds like you know yourself pretty well and are asking the right questions. Healthy love, even if long distance, should make you feel more confident, not less so. Keep listening to your feelings and communicate them when you need to. Communication is one of the best ways to bridge the gulf of physical separation. Also, here is an article I wrote on managing and strengthening Long Distance Relationships.
Walking down the halls of the university I go to made me so scared to go back to school. My heart was racing, and I wanted to break down and start crying. Maybe I care too much. Lately, I have been thinking it might be wise if I take a stress test. I want to make sure that I am being taken care properly for what type of anxiety I have.
Thanks for your comment, Lilia. I agree that seeing a medical doctor, and even undergoing a stress test if recommended, is an important step in making sure your heart is healthy. Hoping your anxiety continues to clarify itself, and that the transition back to school improves. He is such a sweet, smart handsome guy.
Alicia H. Clark, Psyd
He tells me all the time how wonderful he thinks I am but now I feel less attractive than before I dated him. What is going on and what should I do? Thanks for your comment. Anxiety is a deeply sensitive tool that is designed to protect us, and I agree should quiet as a healthy relationship progresses. The right relationship helps us feel loved, adequate, and connected.
Could you be picking up on his insecurities? Trust your anxiety and use it to dig a bit deeper into what else it is signaling. If you are looking for more targeted help, you may also want to pick up my new book, Hack Your Anxiety, which has a toolkit that walks you through this process. So sorry to read about your distress. It is hard enough being in a challenging and stressful marriage, but an abusive one becomes particularly toxic and dangerous. An abusive relationship causes understandable and rational anxiety — you are in danger.
It also sounds like you are feeling trapped by a family situation that is crowded and possibly unsupportive. Also, this website is helpful https: If you live elsewhere, use the internet and a safe internet connection to find resources that are available in your area. Knowing what is around you that can help is an important first step in accessing safety for yourself and your family. I have a slightly complicated situation.
For 3 years I was best friends with these two guys for the sake of clarification I will call them A and B. A and B and I did everything together. After having mutual feelings for A for about a year, we started dating. Then he stoppped talking to me and a month later was dating this other girl. It broke me losing someone I had loved, and also someone who was my best friend. Eventually B and I started talking and hanging out again, but I still refused to talk to or engage with A. Low and behold, there are now mutual feelings between B and I it has been a year and a month since A and I last talked.
I have not dated or had serious feelings for anyone till recently with B. B and I are not officially dating. B and A are still really close friends. Chest pains and shortness of breath could by symptoms of other health conditions, and erectile dysfunction is easily treated through medication. Anxiety and sex seldom work well together, so my advice is to take control of your anxiety and do something with it by getting yourself checked, making sure you are ok, and possibly getting some ED help.
I had a long history with my boyfriend, we are together for more than one and a half year now. The first half of our journey was rough, for me… He used to continuously hide things from me, seeing girls he met from tinder, flirting with some of his girlfriends. Being caught several times lying, feeling guilty, he said he has changed himself now and wanted to be faithful only to me.
But well, yes, he still hide some small things, but only to avoid arguments, because he know how insecure I can get over small things. He was my only closest friend, the one I tell everything to. She has her issues but so do I, and together we make a great pair. A few months into our relationship, around the time we had our first kiss, I started having debilitating anxiety about the relationship. Do you have any advice for getting over these feelings? Are you afraid of losing your relationship — that she will reject you, or that you will reject her?
Getting at the bottom of what you are frightened of is the only way to know what to do about your anxiety. Hang in there, stay curious, and keep asking the right questions. Also make sure to talk to her about your feelings too. Hoping you still read this. It drove me crazy until I eventually gave up. I did it for her sake 7 months later we tried to have casual sex.
I honestly didnt miss her that much, but I was still holding resentment towards her for something she did. Seeing her again gave me a flood of emotions. We argued about our past wrongs, and somehow it felt great to actually communicate. Somehow forgiving eachother made me feel close. I felt her love for me for the first time, as before I thought she was just an infatuated girl and that love was always temporary. Weeks later we decided to try to work it out. I have been thinking about this obsessively for several weeks of nonstop anxiety and depression.
Still, I have my doubts about the future of the relationship. I still question if I love her or not.
But now, I am suddenly much more attracted to her. I tell her compliments and try to make her happy just to see if I am breaking out of wall. I had a really bad relationship years ago, and I still hold resentment towards it, and I want that to be the reason I feel unsure. But man, I care about this girl so much it literally makes me sick.
I saw a psychologist and but only one appointment so far. I just dont get it. Thanks for your comments. Sounds like you are asking all the right questions about your feelings, and doing your best to understand your relationship anxiety. It also sounds like you are struggling to differentiate between sexual attraction and love, and have understandable concerns about your feelings. Love is a complicated, and deep, emotion that evolves within a relationship and draws on so many of our early relationship experiences. You mentioned some of this in your comment, and I would recommend you continue to grow your inner understanding.
I hope you will stick with the process of meeting with a psychologist so that your understanding will deepen. You may also find my book helpful on harnessing anxiety.
Anxiety and Romance: Managing Relationship Anxiety
You can click here to get your copy. In the meantime, you may also find my free ebook on naming emotions a help. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years. Unfortunately 3 years into our relationship my husband collapsed in the middle of the night, I found him and had to seek medical help — thankfully he is ok.
This situation has seriously affected our relationship as I am constantly worrying that when it will happen again it has happened several times per year for last 6 years. We are under a cardio specialist who assures us that everything is ok and no major faults with his heart. We still have an inconclusive reason as to what triggers these episodes. It can happen if my husband drinks alcohol, has an upset tummy, becomes stressed about something etc. With us having no real diagnosis, it has been hard for me not to worry and I suffer with anxiety surrounding whether he is safe or not.
We have since had a child 2 yr old and now have another one on the way. I am full of anxiety and dont like leaving our child with him. As you can imagine, it is quite suffocating to feel like this and what should be the most joyful times of our lives is filled with unwanted anxiety. It effects us socially as I dont like him to drink alcohol, if he does then I dont sleep as I lie awake in case I have to deal with him collapsing.
These episodes happen a few times a year without warning. How can I get over this? It makes me feel so unhappy in life yet logic tells me I have everything to be happy about….. What a scary situation you described with your husband. I can certainly understand your anxiety about not knowing what might happen with his health, and if I read your comment accurately, what is the matter to start with. When it comes to health anxiety, I am a big fan of getting medical answers. I find that health anxiety is seldom irrational, and the best salves for it are answers.
My best advice would be seek a second cardiac opinion. I am not a cardiologist, or even a medical doctor, but I do know there are other more lengthy tests that can be run like heart monitors that record activity and can be worn for weeks at a time. At minimum, a cardiologist should be able to tell you what the episodes are, and how to manage them.
Being young and growing a family, I think getting answers will help you and he feel more control over the situation moving ahead. In it, I describe several health anxiety situations and walk through how I have helped my patients tap into and use their anxiety constructively. Others with generalized anxiety disorder may have trouble with dating or managing relationships as well, as they struggle with worry about their partner abandoning them. Everyone is susceptible to day-to-day stress manifesting as worry about a relationship, fear of the dating process, or trouble communicating with a partner.
Ask for help — Never assume that you have to learn to manage anxiety in relationships by yourself. Consider how individual counseling can help you manage your fears about relationships or take steps towards a happier dating life. Couples counseling can also help people learn to improve communication and build problem-solving skills in their relationship. Build your own interests — If you are putting all of your focus on a romantic relationship, chances are you are going to feel anxious.
People who have solid relationships with family and friends and put focus on their own personal goals and interests are likely to make better partners, and they are less likely to experience separation anxiety or uncertainty about the relationship.
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Examine your thinking — Anxiety makes it difficult to objectively assess whether a worry is legitimate. Consider whether you need to work on managing your anxiety through healthy habits, communicate better with your partner, or address issues of concern in the relationship. Share your values — Sometimes people in relationships are so focused on making another person like them that they forget to speak up for their own values and needs. The earlier you can set the precedent for sharing your needs in a relationship, the less likely you are to feel resentful.
Avoiding is only a temporary solution, and it often ends in heated conflict. Set a standard for addressing issues head on in the relationship, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.