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The thing was, as a child of immigrants in the 80s, the good Bangladeshi Muslim boys in my age range were few and far between.

I'm a Muslim Woman of Color – And Here's Why I Don't Date White Men - Everyday Feminism

The crushes I developed were the same crushes that all the girls in my grade school developed: By the time I was in high school, this taste was fully developed. Of course, I never acted on my crush — dating was haram, and my parents would never allow it. But what did it matter anyway?


They were drawn to the tall, blonde cheerleaders. I was the girl that guys would talk to so that they could get closer to my pretty best friends.

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By the time I graduated from high school, I did not find Bangladeshi men attractive — only white guys were cute. I would later learn about internalized racism and conditioning and how this shapes our preferences and self-worth. I would later learn how living in a society where positive or attractive images of brown men and women were marginalized or non-existent would affect who I thought was attractive.

As far as I was concerned, I would only marry a white guy — if I was to get married at all. One late night during Ramadan as I binge scrolled through my Facebook feed, I saw a picture of my Ex. Her white veil cascades over her off-shoulder wedding dress. They are holding champagne flutes and they look… in love. It all looks very Norman Rockwell, or like one of those white people fancy wedding scenes that you see at the end of a romantic comedy. It looked nothing like the explosion of colors and madness of the Desi weddings I was used to.

When we broke up ten years ago, we made bets on who would get married first. He was convinced it would be me. He wanted to be the perpetual playboy. I was convinced that I would never find anyone to love after him. He reached out a couple of times a year to see how I was doing.

Sarfraz Manzoor: My family said they would boycott my wedding

We were good like that, at least. We met when were both in our early twenties working as community organizers in Washington, D. He grew up in a well-to-do family in an idyllic community just outside of D. They had oil paintings on the wall, candlesticks on the dining table, and ordered steak through the mail. To my family, he was a secret. But his family welcomed me with open arms. His grandmother made aloo gobi for me at Thanksgiving. I helped unwrap heirloom ornaments for their Christmas tree.

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During those years, I was also learning about what it means to be a person of color and how white supremacy plays out in the U. In the petri dish of our relationship, I noticed how his white privilege compared to my lack thereof. I had overwhelming student loans, made much less money then him, and in those years right after September 11 th , I stopped being able to fly and was harassed on those Washington, D.

Though it was comforting to be in a relationship, I still had to explain a lot of what it meant for me to feel exoticized , persecuted, and marginalized. Around the election season cycle, our relationship started getting tense. I saw how easily he navigated it all. Yet, none of the different Islamic exegeses allude to this. Besides, all of the classical interpretations focused on the first part of the verse which is addressed to Muslim men.

Most of the classical and contemporary exegetes carried out an in-depth analysis of the first part of this verse addressed to Muslim men, while they gave less importance to the second part that concerns Muslim women on the same issue. Christian or Jewish women who are considered by the majority of the same commentators as believers. Most of the exegetes defend their opinion by referring to another verse that legitimates the first verse and proves that Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian or Jewish women who are not included in the concept of disbelief or Kufr [4] as stated by other scholars.

He added that the concept of polytheist is not clearly defined though he agrees with other scholars in giving authorization to Muslim men to marry Christian and Jewish women [5]. For the second part of the said verse that seems to be addressed to both Muslim men and women and to grant both of them the same authorization, we can affirm that Muslim scholars and jurists unanimously agree on the fact that marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim man, whether he is polytheist, Christian or Jew, is strongly prohibited. Ibn Achour assumed the inexistence of a religious text that allows or forbids the marriage of Muslim women to Christian or Jewish men.

For The Love Of Culture: Racial Hierarchies In Muslim American Dating

Yet, other commentators tried to justify this prohibition by providing another verse that assumes the following: Allah is best aware of their faith. They are not lawful for them the disbelievers , nor are they the disbelievers lawful for them. The revelation context and the general meaning of this verse are not, however, associated with the case of marriage to non-Muslims. The classical interpretation states that this verse was actually revealed when two polytheist men from Quraish asked for their sisters to be back, Oum Kelthoum and Bint Aqabah, after they had converted to Islam and migrated to Medina in order to join the Muslim community [8].

It is worth reminding that the Prophet signed at that time an agreement called Al-Hudaybya Treaty with the opposing tribe of Quraish to stop the war for ten years. This agreement stipulated, among others, that any Quraychit woman who would join the Prophet in Medina without the permission of her legal tutor should be sent back to Mecca. My now-husband warned me that our mothers were like twin souls.

See earlier note about family politics bell graph. Although unnerving at the time, this will help more than hinder with the folks in the long-term.

What does the Qur’an say about the interfaith marriage?

Acceptance and approval are two very different things. The former might be what you settle for until the latter falls into place and it does, usually, fall into place. Follow the author here: Twitter , Facebook , Three Quarters Full. What does it mean to be a Muslim in modern Australia? Ten Australian Muslims from diverse backgrounds move in to a house for eight days.

Through honest dialogue and passionate debate, the group reveals what it is to be an Australian Muslim today. So, I just keep quiet and unseen. Opening up about my Islamic divorce In a faith where dating and cohabitation before marriage aren't commonly accepted, what's it like to be a Muslim woman going through a divorce?

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